Return to the source

Return to the source
When I write, I want to write with feeling. In the past, this meant that a lot of what I wrote was quite negative...I wrote about the darkness in my heart and the pain I feel which never really seems to go away. But in the past few months, I want something else. I want to focus on the positive. I am doing my best but the truth is, there will always be positive with negative, dark and light, weight and weightlessness. One cannot exist for long without the other.

This past Fathers Day I went to visit my Dad. For years we have been discussing the philosophical problem that is Nothingness, and how as soon as you start talking about Nothing, it becomes Something. 

How is that? Why is that?

Nothing cannot exist without Something, it seems.

When I was a child, I was taught that God answers prayer. I've long stopped believing in the God I was presented with, while at the same time, never stopped believing in God. I try out different words: Divinity, the Divine, the Universe, Forces that Be, the Source, Source of the get the idea. Truly the easiest word to use is God. I am not sure why I don't like it. It just doesn't adequately embody what I feel, what I'd like to express.

Something comes from deep within, a sudden silence that draws me in.

Those words. My words. Where am I? I don't know. Life is confusing. Sometimes this is fun. Sometimes not.