Silence of the morning carrying the day

This morning i woke at 4:30 a.M.

Silence of the morning
It struck me that i could meditate and grow closer to god. I decided to drift sleeplessly some more and hope that god would drift closer to me.

During the past month or so, the silence that exists in between my heart and my mind has grown. It's too hard to talk. I don't like many people right now, which is unusual for me. Or if i do, i like them at a distance. I like them less as they come towards me (i probably shouldn't wait for god to come closer, then). It's not that i feel less warmth; it's that the energy i expend feels somehow pointless. Pointless for who, pointless to who, i don't even know. Nothing feels personal. Everything feels personal.